


The Girl I Used to Be, The Boy I Became

by rhodrymavelyne



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhodrymavelyne/pseuds/rhodrymavelyne
Summary: The Doctor remembers a past which might have been, when she was a little girl and the Master was a little boy. This is my attempt to reconcile the lonely little boy Ronette saw in the Doctor's thoughts in 'The Girl in the Fireplace' and that Clara met in 'Listen' with the little girl Missy suggested the Doctor might have once been in 'The Magician's Apprentice'.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is gender bendy. Don't read if you dislike such things.

I ran with him through the fields under the orange sky of Gallifrey, hand in hand. He was very proud of his father’s vast lands, of every purple flower which opens its petals in full bloom. 

“All of this is mine,” he said. He stopped to pick one and tuck it in my hair. How I admired his bright smile, but his eyes were always looking away, always fixed upon something else. He could be beautiful. He was beautiful, but I wanted to bring him back. I wanted to make him look at me. 

Perhaps that’s why I climbed the tree. I reached for the branch he’s always been afraid to shimmy out onto. I savor his cry, when it breaks beneath my weight. I’ve often wondered if he knew how much I enjoyed his pain, since he’s tried to pay me back for it ever since. 

All I could think of was my own pain when I hit my ground. The regenerative energy coursed through my small body, much more quiet and gentle back on Gallifrey. Regenerations were not the violent explosions they became later. 

There was an explosion of another sort, when he saw the form I took.

“You stole my face!” he yelled. Fury contorted his features. “You can’t do that, you’re a girl! Thief!”

Names and titles have a certain amount of power. Perhaps it’s some trace of the Caryonites’ former influence leaking through the universe. That was the first time someone ever called me a thief. It certainly wouldn’t be the last. 

“I’m not a girl any more,” I said with every bit of coldness I’d ever observed him to use. “Just watch me. I’ll take your face and do things with it you can only dream of.” The wounds healed with my regenerative power. It tingled through me, making me giddy. “I’ll make everything better with this face, for I’m going to heal the universe!”

For a moment, I almost felt a shift in the worlds around me. Perhaps the universe had taken note of my vow. Perhaps I’d just shaped my destiny. 

Whatever I’d done, it didn’t impress him. His lower lip curled in scorn. 

“Heal whomever you like. It won’t matter,” he said. “Pain will always be your master.” He raised a small hand to point a finger at me. “Watch out, ‘Doctor’, for I shall become the Master of Pain!”

Did any of this ever happen? I’ve dreamed of it so many times. Sometimes, it’s different. Sometimes what he says is different. 

“Steal my face, will you?” he sneers. He raises his finger to point at me. “You’ve made me a part of you.” Yes, he always has to make that dramatic gesture. It still sends a chill running down my spine. “This means I will always be your Master…Doctor!”

I woke up from that version, confused and human, only to find Martha Jones bending over me. At the time, I’d thought of myself as nothing more than John Smith, having another crazy, impossible dream. 

I had the same dream, once more. Right before she returned to me as Missy. Always he names me "The Doctor", even though he's accused me of choosing it. He blames me for everything, as usual. 

Something happened between us when we were children, beneath that orange sky. Something changed between us when I reached for that branch. She claims that trying to kill me is her way of flirting. She’s admitted that this was his way of flirting, too. The truth is he’s never forgiven me for climbing out onto that branch. For scaring him. For trying to outdo him. For moving out of reach.

That moment defined us. It was our first steps along our paths as the Doctor and the Master. 

I guess we’re still just children at heart. Still trying to climb out of reach. Still leaving each other behind. I’m not sure if we’ll ever grow up. If we did, we’d stop being the Doctor and the Master. We’d have to be someone else. 

When it happens, it could be the end for both of us.

**Author's Note:**

> The Caryonites appeared in 'The Shakespeare Code'. They used words as magic. Names had power, plus it gave them power over other living creatures.


End file.
